Peanuts!

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks the little old lady, ' Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?' 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them!'

Cab Driver

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

read-o!

If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience!

I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it!

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people!

Never try to drown your troubles... Especially if he can swim!

Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking!

Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out!

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station!

By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a son who thinks he's usually wrong!

Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn't have!

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works!

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning!

There are three sides to every argument: your side,my side and the right side!

An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing!

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets!

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else!

They say hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance!

Sardars again!!

EK DIN EK DAKU EK SARDAR KE GHAR MEIN GHUS GAYA AUR BOLA: "SONA KAHAN HAI?;
SARDAR BOLA: "ULLU KE PATTHE. PURA GHAR KHALI HAI,KAHIN BHI SOJA..!!"



AN ASTRONOMER WAS WATCHING THE SKY WITH A TELESCOPE.
A SARDAR WAS OBSERVING HIM... SUDDENLY A STAR FALLS. AFTER SEEING THAT SARDAR SAYS: "WAH KYA NISHANA HAI."



SARDARJI'S SON : "OYE PAPAJI.... BAHAR DARWAJE PAR KOI SWIMING POOL KE LIYE DONATION MANG RAHA HAI...."
SARDAR : "PUTTAR , USKO EK LOTA PAANI DE DE..."



BAAP BETE SE : "TUMHE KAISI BIWI CHAHIYE?"
BETA: "MUJHE CHAND JAISI BIWI CHAHIYE, JO RAAT KO AAYE AUR SUBHA CHALI JAYE."



ONE DAY, IN A SARDAR'S GARMENT STORE A CUSTOMER COMES IN & SAYS: "BHAISAAB! UNDERWEAR DIKHANA ZARA."
SARDAR: "OYE! SORRY YAAR - AAJ PEHNA NAHI!!"

laws of life

1. Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

2. Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number,you never get an engaged one.

3.Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flattire.

4. Variation Law:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

5. Bath THEOREM:
When the body is immersed in water,the telephone rings.

6.LAW OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

7. LAW of the RESULT:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

8.LAW OF BIOMECHANICS:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

9.THEATRE RULE:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aislearrive last.

10.LAW OF COFFEE:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

From Mimi sometime back

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy....... The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climball the way to the topof the tree.

Share this with other women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked!

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Sardarji joke...

Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Delhi to Mumbai. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired tocontinue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nicehotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours andthen get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a billfor Rs. 5000/- The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why thecharge is so high.He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth Rs. 5000/-When the clerk tells him Rs. 5000/- is the standard rate, The maninsists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows forwhich the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from, Hollywood andLas Vegas perform here," the Manager says.But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again. "Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it".

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it tothe Manager.The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check."But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for Rs.1500/.""That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you Rs. 3500/- for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."