a lil bit funny..

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing.)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Leave letters

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...

1. Infosys, Bangalore:
An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

2. Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundane" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC:
Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. One other employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave."

6. An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to a Headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today."

8. Another leave letter written to a Headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

10. One other:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave."

12. Letter writing:
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."


13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both (!!) for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.



Dont laugh.. these are all original.. collected by Mr. Dipangshu Pal.

One-liners!

1. INFOSYS: Inferior Offline Systems

2. WIPRO: Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

3. HCL: Hidden Costs & Losses

4. TCS: Totally Confusing Solutions

5. C-DOT: Coffee During Office Timings

6. HUGHES: Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping

7. BAAN: Beggars Association and Nerds

8. IBM: Implicitly Boring Machines

9. SATYAM: Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly

10. PARAM: Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors

11. HP: Hen Pecked

12. AT&T: All Troubles & Terrible

13. CMC: Coffee, Meals and Comfort

14. DEC: Drifting & Exhausted Computers

15. BFL: Brainwash First, and Let them go

16. DELL: Deplorable Equipment & Lackluster

17. TISL: Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd

18. PSI: Peculiar Symptoms of India

19. PCL: Poor Computers Ltd

20. SPARC: Simply Poor And Redundant Computers

21. SUN: Surely Useless Novelties

22. CTS: Coffee, Tea and Snacks